I’ve stayed in hotels from Kabul to Sierra Leone and thought I’d seen some low points, but I had yet to reckon with the Malvina House; the South Atlantic’s version of Faulty Towers. My room was located in an annex of stacked portakabin type accommodation which although noisy, is normal for the Falklands, so no big deal. Having spent the previous evening on an 18 hour flight from the UK, my only requirements were a shower and sleep - not the highest bar. The shower was ok, not a dribble but not a spray - the water sort of fell out of the head, but it was warm. However, when I tried to sleep I found an inescapable noise; irregular and loud it was like a pump or boiler. After getting dressed and walking around the outside of the building I located the source, a pump in a room right next to my room, literally the other side of some plasterboard. I went to reception and reported the noise and to their credit, after 20–30 minutes the noise stopped and I finally settled in for a sleep - that was when the room was flooded with light as an emergency light illuminated and I couldn’t switch it off. I dressed again and walked to reception - where I sat for 15 minutes whilst they looked for another room. Eventually a South African lady arrived, seemingly annoyed at being called out and told me the emergency lighting system tests lights randomly and it’s only for 5 minutes, and it’s not them it’s the fire department. I then moved rooms and did get to sleep around three hours later than intended. So be warned - the hotel is noisy, your room can randomly light up in the middle of the night and the staff don’t smell to give a stuff about your experience. Avoid - literally stay anywhere else.
翻譯